Faith Setting....

Hi,
So cannot believe it but it is 2008 which means all kinds of things, however the biggest reminder is that I have been out of highschool for 10 years. I have not hit 30 yet but am starting to feel a little old. Anyway Andrew and I were talking about what goals we want to set this year and he was way ahead of me and had like 5, I have been sitting here pondering for at least 2 weeks. I ofcourse have personal goals and then we talked about "couple goals," but the spiritual goal is gonna be my biggie this year. So I decided that I would share it with all of you and then you could keep me accountable... Ok so my goal/change I want to see spiritually is BIG FAITH!! I know for sure I have lil' faith but I want it bigger than a mustard seed. The Shu's have been stretched most definately 2006-2007 so I figure 2008 it's time to start fresh and give it all I got. I want to put to test of how BIG my God is and just watch Him work. Thanks to Pastor Kurt who helped me see faith from a different angle said: at some point faith, God's timing and His perfect will all meet up... so here we are waiting on Him and anticipating what He will do. In the meantime before lil Shu's are running around, I am so excited to see how we will and are being used for the Kingdom. He is opening up many doors and using us like crazy and folks that's what it's all about to be about our Father's business. I know that is when I truly am the most joyful!! "Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you." Matthew 6:33
Thank you Father for using me whether to touch a lost world or even those around me. Thank you that you take brokeness and hurt and turn it around for Your purpose. I pray that you would give me BIG Faith this year and that a year from now I will look back and be wowed at yet another journey we have taken together. Lord I want You to know that I am in this for the long haul whatever the cost as You give nothing short of the best. HELP ME to be content with all that You have for me and to be aware of the here and now Kingdom Assignment. Thank you for loving me!

Time with Jesus...

So yesterday I flew home from Texas and boy was it a long day of flying! The coolest part was that on the flight home after the long layover from Seattle to So. Cal.! So I read this book from cover to cover seeing that I had so much time, it was called "When God let's you down" thanks Bre for the donation. It was probably the best book I could have read at this time in my life. The guy who wrote it is a Pastor and he and his wife dealt with a similar situation as us Shu's:) I know that I was reading a book, however I felt like it was the Lord speaking directly to me and calming so many questions in my heart. I battle so much inside that it drives me crazy, but it gave me such a new perspective on the Lord and our struggles.
There are so many times that when we go through struggles we feel as if the Lord has abandoned us especially when things don't go according to "the plan" you know we all have them, but that would be totally contrary to His nature so I relearned:) I learned that the Father's nature will not allow Him to turn away when we go kicking and screaming, or as I like to call it shake my fist at God. His love is bound to His kids and the cross was not in vain, but out of DEEP love for His children. As I sit and read that I am teary eyed that He would love me so much even in the depths of my dark pain, or when I kick and scream. I also have learned that God is not a waster... so therfore my suffering is not a waste of time. The suffering we go through is usually time that the Lord is using to help direct us and shed some ropes that bind us, as He longs for His children to experience freedom, it also is a testimony of God's goodness and victory. I also learned that in those hard times it is the Lord teaching us hard truths that otherwise we would not have submitted to. I needed this time with Him on this long flight because He gently reminded me of certain truths I had replaced with myths about Him. On this flight I felt like no one was there but me and Him, I was just lost in who He is. After I was done reading I put my ipod on and just felt like crying (tears of joy) because I saw Him in a whole new light. I wanted to sing out loud but I am sure the other passengers would have been mad at me, so I praised Him in my heart. As I did that I looked out the window of the plane and I saw the stars so clear and the busy world beneath and I felt like I could see from God's perspective, from His view nothing is too big or overwhelming. He has this God thing completely handled:) So what is so hard about surrendering? It is trusting.... and so if at the end of my journey I learn how to do that better than He is right I did not suffer in vain and I was refined even more than before. There's a song by Mercy Me called "Bring the rain" and that's exactly how I feel right now, I feel freedom in saying that. ...Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring me the chance to be free bring me anything that brings You glory and I know there will be days when this life brings me pain but if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus bring the rain... Jesus I am so sorry that You have been the blame of the pain in my life I pray that I might redeem the time and bring you glory in all that I do!!

Sweet Moment...

You ever have those moments with Jesus that are so precious that just thinking about them bring tears to your eyes... Well last night was a memorable one for me. Andrew and I went to Bible study which was a good time of opening up God's Word and studying. I sometimes feel like I am two people in one body, like my heart is grieving but my spirit is joyful. You're probably thinking I am bi-polar right now, but that's how I was feeling last night. I am still emotional, but I felt joyful because I could sense the presence of the Lord- I only get these times every so often and duh it's when I need it the most. The best part about last night was when we got home Andrew and I were talking and I started to cry like I have been lately, but it was a different cry. It was one that drove me to my knees, there we knelt together just praying, praising and petitioning God together. It was so beautiful to me, I buried my face in my bed and for a brief moment it felt like the shoulder of Jesus. I could feel Him, I knew that He was right there with us. Now Andrew and I pray every night together, but not like last night, it was a "Sweet Moment" with Jesus. Andrew told me goodnight and fell asleep soon after, but I took a few minutes and just reveled in the moment. It's in these moments that all my doubts and fears seem so small and He is so big. In Bible study we were talking about having a child like faith and as I look back over my life I so long to be little because my faith was so strong. It reminds me of a song I used to sing in Sunday school... "My God is so BIG so strong and so mighty there's NOTHING my God cannot do." I so long to be there again, to where I don't question but just know that my Abba is BIG and there is NOTHING that He cannot do!!

Hmmmm...

So you ever feel like Lord... I know I am on a journey but have no clue where this is going? Well that's exactly where we are right now. We feel like so many things in our life make no sense. We know that God has a plan and that He loves us and wants the best for us, but somehow those are'nt coming together at the moment. We also know that the bigger picture is that the Lord wants us to trust Him and that He is stretching our faith even beyond what we think is too much. So you must be sitting there thinking what is she rambling on about... well I have always been a journaler and I thought this would be a way for you to come along on our journey as you read what I journal.
So many of you know that we have been going through the infertility program for about a year now. It has been the most uphill emotional battle we have ever had to face. Thanks by the way to those of you who have been our support and love through this time. Anyway to say the least it has been anything but easy and it seems like everytime we make progress it is slowed down by something. So here's the latest news... We went into the our doctor just last Tuesday to get a review on the test panels they had just ran. We were expecting to go in and have them say everything looks good let's get on with the treatment. Well ofcourse that is not what happened and we were stunned at the news. The doctor pretty much told us that we had yet another hoop to jump through which would mean more testing on Andrew, the news from these tests will predict where we go from here. So I will keep you posted later on what it is we will be needing to do!! Please pray that whatever it is is fixable, we are running out of strength it seems.
All this to say it is a bitter sweet experience... on one hand we feel priviliged that the Lord would choose us to go through such an experience knowing that we would handle it well and Him be glorified, but in the other hand we ask sometimes why us Lord?? This can't be what you want for us, this isn't want we dreamed about. My dream since I was 16yrs. of age was to be a mommy and a great one at that. I didn't care what I had to go without as long as I could be with my children. I am not letting go of this dream and somehow we will be parents as the Lord gave us a desire for a reason, we just don't know the how yet!!

Lord Jesus we love you and trust you with our dreams and desires as hard as that is at times. We know that you love us and are walking with us through all we are faced with. Please give us the strength to continue in walking with you through this trial and may we be a blessing to you by the attitude of our hearts. Give us joy and peace no matter what... we know that your strength is made perfect in our weakness so in this may You shine through us even when some days we feel like giving up. Thank you for this trial (gulp) as this is what will be the force that drives us to our knees and full dependance on You. May you be glorified in all we do!! Amen