Hmmmm...

So you ever feel like Lord... I know I am on a journey but have no clue where this is going? Well that's exactly where we are right now. We feel like so many things in our life make no sense. We know that God has a plan and that He loves us and wants the best for us, but somehow those are'nt coming together at the moment. We also know that the bigger picture is that the Lord wants us to trust Him and that He is stretching our faith even beyond what we think is too much. So you must be sitting there thinking what is she rambling on about... well I have always been a journaler and I thought this would be a way for you to come along on our journey as you read what I journal.
So many of you know that we have been going through the infertility program for about a year now. It has been the most uphill emotional battle we have ever had to face. Thanks by the way to those of you who have been our support and love through this time. Anyway to say the least it has been anything but easy and it seems like everytime we make progress it is slowed down by something. So here's the latest news... We went into the our doctor just last Tuesday to get a review on the test panels they had just ran. We were expecting to go in and have them say everything looks good let's get on with the treatment. Well ofcourse that is not what happened and we were stunned at the news. The doctor pretty much told us that we had yet another hoop to jump through which would mean more testing on Andrew, the news from these tests will predict where we go from here. So I will keep you posted later on what it is we will be needing to do!! Please pray that whatever it is is fixable, we are running out of strength it seems.
All this to say it is a bitter sweet experience... on one hand we feel priviliged that the Lord would choose us to go through such an experience knowing that we would handle it well and Him be glorified, but in the other hand we ask sometimes why us Lord?? This can't be what you want for us, this isn't want we dreamed about. My dream since I was 16yrs. of age was to be a mommy and a great one at that. I didn't care what I had to go without as long as I could be with my children. I am not letting go of this dream and somehow we will be parents as the Lord gave us a desire for a reason, we just don't know the how yet!!

Lord Jesus we love you and trust you with our dreams and desires as hard as that is at times. We know that you love us and are walking with us through all we are faced with. Please give us the strength to continue in walking with you through this trial and may we be a blessing to you by the attitude of our hearts. Give us joy and peace no matter what... we know that your strength is made perfect in our weakness so in this may You shine through us even when some days we feel like giving up. Thank you for this trial (gulp) as this is what will be the force that drives us to our knees and full dependance on You. May you be glorified in all we do!! Amen