Time with Jesus...

So yesterday I flew home from Texas and boy was it a long day of flying! The coolest part was that on the flight home after the long layover from Seattle to So. Cal.! So I read this book from cover to cover seeing that I had so much time, it was called "When God let's you down" thanks Bre for the donation. It was probably the best book I could have read at this time in my life. The guy who wrote it is a Pastor and he and his wife dealt with a similar situation as us Shu's:) I know that I was reading a book, however I felt like it was the Lord speaking directly to me and calming so many questions in my heart. I battle so much inside that it drives me crazy, but it gave me such a new perspective on the Lord and our struggles.
There are so many times that when we go through struggles we feel as if the Lord has abandoned us especially when things don't go according to "the plan" you know we all have them, but that would be totally contrary to His nature so I relearned:) I learned that the Father's nature will not allow Him to turn away when we go kicking and screaming, or as I like to call it shake my fist at God. His love is bound to His kids and the cross was not in vain, but out of DEEP love for His children. As I sit and read that I am teary eyed that He would love me so much even in the depths of my dark pain, or when I kick and scream. I also have learned that God is not a waster... so therfore my suffering is not a waste of time. The suffering we go through is usually time that the Lord is using to help direct us and shed some ropes that bind us, as He longs for His children to experience freedom, it also is a testimony of God's goodness and victory. I also learned that in those hard times it is the Lord teaching us hard truths that otherwise we would not have submitted to. I needed this time with Him on this long flight because He gently reminded me of certain truths I had replaced with myths about Him. On this flight I felt like no one was there but me and Him, I was just lost in who He is. After I was done reading I put my ipod on and just felt like crying (tears of joy) because I saw Him in a whole new light. I wanted to sing out loud but I am sure the other passengers would have been mad at me, so I praised Him in my heart. As I did that I looked out the window of the plane and I saw the stars so clear and the busy world beneath and I felt like I could see from God's perspective, from His view nothing is too big or overwhelming. He has this God thing completely handled:) So what is so hard about surrendering? It is trusting.... and so if at the end of my journey I learn how to do that better than He is right I did not suffer in vain and I was refined even more than before. There's a song by Mercy Me called "Bring the rain" and that's exactly how I feel right now, I feel freedom in saying that. ...Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring me the chance to be free bring me anything that brings You glory and I know there will be days when this life brings me pain but if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus bring the rain... Jesus I am so sorry that You have been the blame of the pain in my life I pray that I might redeem the time and bring you glory in all that I do!!