Time with Jesus...

So yesterday I flew home from Texas and boy was it a long day of flying! The coolest part was that on the flight home after the long layover from Seattle to So. Cal.! So I read this book from cover to cover seeing that I had so much time, it was called "When God let's you down" thanks Bre for the donation. It was probably the best book I could have read at this time in my life. The guy who wrote it is a Pastor and he and his wife dealt with a similar situation as us Shu's:) I know that I was reading a book, however I felt like it was the Lord speaking directly to me and calming so many questions in my heart. I battle so much inside that it drives me crazy, but it gave me such a new perspective on the Lord and our struggles.
There are so many times that when we go through struggles we feel as if the Lord has abandoned us especially when things don't go according to "the plan" you know we all have them, but that would be totally contrary to His nature so I relearned:) I learned that the Father's nature will not allow Him to turn away when we go kicking and screaming, or as I like to call it shake my fist at God. His love is bound to His kids and the cross was not in vain, but out of DEEP love for His children. As I sit and read that I am teary eyed that He would love me so much even in the depths of my dark pain, or when I kick and scream. I also have learned that God is not a waster... so therfore my suffering is not a waste of time. The suffering we go through is usually time that the Lord is using to help direct us and shed some ropes that bind us, as He longs for His children to experience freedom, it also is a testimony of God's goodness and victory. I also learned that in those hard times it is the Lord teaching us hard truths that otherwise we would not have submitted to. I needed this time with Him on this long flight because He gently reminded me of certain truths I had replaced with myths about Him. On this flight I felt like no one was there but me and Him, I was just lost in who He is. After I was done reading I put my ipod on and just felt like crying (tears of joy) because I saw Him in a whole new light. I wanted to sing out loud but I am sure the other passengers would have been mad at me, so I praised Him in my heart. As I did that I looked out the window of the plane and I saw the stars so clear and the busy world beneath and I felt like I could see from God's perspective, from His view nothing is too big or overwhelming. He has this God thing completely handled:) So what is so hard about surrendering? It is trusting.... and so if at the end of my journey I learn how to do that better than He is right I did not suffer in vain and I was refined even more than before. There's a song by Mercy Me called "Bring the rain" and that's exactly how I feel right now, I feel freedom in saying that. ...Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring me the chance to be free bring me anything that brings You glory and I know there will be days when this life brings me pain but if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus bring the rain... Jesus I am so sorry that You have been the blame of the pain in my life I pray that I might redeem the time and bring you glory in all that I do!!

Sweet Moment...

You ever have those moments with Jesus that are so precious that just thinking about them bring tears to your eyes... Well last night was a memorable one for me. Andrew and I went to Bible study which was a good time of opening up God's Word and studying. I sometimes feel like I am two people in one body, like my heart is grieving but my spirit is joyful. You're probably thinking I am bi-polar right now, but that's how I was feeling last night. I am still emotional, but I felt joyful because I could sense the presence of the Lord- I only get these times every so often and duh it's when I need it the most. The best part about last night was when we got home Andrew and I were talking and I started to cry like I have been lately, but it was a different cry. It was one that drove me to my knees, there we knelt together just praying, praising and petitioning God together. It was so beautiful to me, I buried my face in my bed and for a brief moment it felt like the shoulder of Jesus. I could feel Him, I knew that He was right there with us. Now Andrew and I pray every night together, but not like last night, it was a "Sweet Moment" with Jesus. Andrew told me goodnight and fell asleep soon after, but I took a few minutes and just reveled in the moment. It's in these moments that all my doubts and fears seem so small and He is so big. In Bible study we were talking about having a child like faith and as I look back over my life I so long to be little because my faith was so strong. It reminds me of a song I used to sing in Sunday school... "My God is so BIG so strong and so mighty there's NOTHING my God cannot do." I so long to be there again, to where I don't question but just know that my Abba is BIG and there is NOTHING that He cannot do!!